Accidents Don't Happen by Mistake

By the way

2010-08-30T12:22:00.002-04:00

If anyone cares to care, my new blog is located at c0mma.tumblr.com.

Finally

2010-08-28T13:23:00.002-04:00

I'm back at Temple. And as much as I'd love to write a long and drawn-out post about how wonderful it is and how much I'm looking forward to this year, I just can't bring myself to do it. The truth is that I've found myself longing for something more in the Blogosphere. I've decided to leave Blogger for Tumblr. I actually just came to this conclusion but eh. I suppose it's a bit final to say that I'm leaving. I would like to think that I'll come back from time to time and post on this blog. After all, this is the first blog that I've really been conscious of having. (I had a Xanga account waaaaay back in middle school but at that time I didn't know that I was blogging. Also, I blogged on MySpace but the blogging aspect of MySpace was sort of an afterthought to the true purpose of MySpace -- for people to invade each others internet space.) And that's that. Ciao.

Less than Two Weeks

2010-08-15T21:20:00.001-04:00

until I'm back at Temple.

Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all

2010-07-19T23:33:00.003-04:00

I'm so broke right now, it's not even funny. It's because I've been saving money for my new computer. However, this past week's check was spent on a new swimsuit and getting my hair permed (I needed the latter REALLY badly). Otherwise, work is going pretty well. Macy's Herald Square is no joke. In other news, while I'm doing mindless tasks (like fixing stuff in Macy Woman at the end of the night) I find time to think. I think a lot about who I am as a person and I usually don't delve too deeply because it's not the time nor the place. I put off my self-reflection for a more relaxed atmosphere when I can really concentrate on dissecting who I am. The problem with that is I never actually find the time. It's not like it's impossible but during the times at which I could really try to figure myself out (like now) I'm usually doing something completely different. Oh well. The time will come at some point.

Edit--I just read my previous post and I'm glad to see that I've accomplished at least one of my summer tasks. The accounting class didn't happen but that's ok. I'm still on track for my college life so I'm not too down about it. I would really like to know who the bitch was that I was referring to. Maybe it's best that I've forgotten.

I will.

2010-05-03T16:28:00.000-04:00

I will get a summer job. I will do amazingly in my accounting course over the summer. I will have an apartment in Center City. I will have a job during the school year. I will pwn my fall 2010 courses with the white intensity of a thousand suns. I will fucking shoot this bitch.

I'm breaking out something horrible right now

2010-04-26T21:07:00.001-04:00

Seriously. If my face were a landscape for tiny, tiny people, they'd be hiking over some ridiculous hills and mountains right now. Fuck this shit.

The Semester is Winding Down

2010-03-31T16:20:00.002-04:00

I'm almost done with my first year of college. How was it? There have been plenty of ups and downs but if I had to take a look back at this year as a whole, I'd have to say that I've figured out what I've gotten myself into. The transition from high school was much easier than from middle school to high school. I know for a fact that it won't take me forever to really find my place academically (the way it did in high school). And I'm glad for that. But for now, I'm just going to finish out this year as strongly as I can and gear up for next semester.

Oh look!!

2010-03-11T16:21:00.002-05:00

I built a (free, and therefore, not as cool as a paid-for) website!! Go check it out here!!

Ask Me Anything.

2010-02-24T14:05:00.001-05:00

Seriously.

Today is Sunday

2010-02-14T16:14:00.002-05:00

I have a research paper for Law due on Tuesday. I have a Calculus exam on Thursday. I have a Macroeconomics exam on Thursday. I have an Italian quiz on Friday. I haven't made the slightest attempt at preparing myself for most of these upcoming events. I've downloaded all of the useful materials that may help me complete my research paper. That's a big step. As of right now, I have no inclination to do anything. I mean ANYTHING. I could do some sort of work. I could make Italian flash cards; I could do the practice problems for Calculus; I could vaguely skim through my Macroeconomics textbook. I could take a nap. I could watch a movie. I could take photos. I could play a video game. I could do anything. I've lost all motivation and willpower to be a productive person. I don't know. I just feel strangely lethargic right now. I know that I'll do all of the things necessary to prepare myself for this coming week, but I know that I won't put any real effort into it. I feel like my body and my mind have given up on me. Clearly they haven't completely abandoned me if I'm able to type out this post, but I just don't feel like my usual self. I feel like I should be drinking right now. I feel as though that would be the best possible decision for me to make, so that I can pass out into oblivion for a few hours. Then what will I do once I wake up? Let the overwhelming guilt and self-loathing wash over me because I chose to waste my time by drinking rather than making a serious attempt at being useful to myself. But I know that if I stay awake, I won't actually do any of that. I'll just sit here, in my chair, on my sore ass, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I know I've been getting enough sleep. Meh. Maybe it's my diet. I'm not really on a diet but I've been on this exercise kick and to supplement that I've been cutting down on my food intake. Needless to say, I was shocked on Friday night to see that I'd only used five of my ten allocated meals this week. I now have four meals left. It's not as if I haven't been eating altogether, though. I just spend a lot more time in my room (when I'm not in class) and away from the dining hall. Yesterday, before I went to shoot the gymnastics meet, I had a small bit of pasta with meat sauce and some bread. But earlier I'd had a bowl of Cheerios (with an almost alarming amount of sugar). I just snack on whatever is in my room, rather than going to the dining hall. Like the pepperoni that I have in my fridge, I eat that sometimes when I'm hungry. But I don't eat an insane amount because I'm pretty sure that I can feel my face getting more and more oily with every circular piece of meat that I ingest. Last night, while I was editing my photos, I had a ton of pretzels. They're kind of hard to stop eating once you get started. Today I woke up and I had another bowl of Cheerios (with sugar, of course). So I'm definitely not starving myself. In fact, we're about to head to IHOP (and I already feel guilty about the fact that I'm not only going to IHOP, but I haven't exercised since Tuesday). I really need a drink.

Sometimes...

2010-02-07T02:01:00.003-05:00

I feel like I don't truly belong with my friends. I mean, I know I'm ridiculously easy to make fun of and I react more than a person usually should when people are poking fun at them but...I don't know. In the back of my mind, I just feel like they don't actually like me at all and that they only keep me around because I'm always a good source of entertainment and I'm always the butt of their jokes. It's kind of annoying. And no one really likes a lot of the tings that I like. Frasier, old movies (Anchors Aweigh, The King and I, The Sound of Music, etc.) Whenever I want to watch them, no one else wants to. What's wrong with The Wizard of Oz? What's wrong with Frasier? Nothing. It's just that whenever we go to Tristan Video to find movies to rent, the ones that I pick out are always outvoted by the ones that everyone else wants to watch. And the thing is, I like all of the other movies that everyone else picks out, so why must I resort to watching the movies that I like ALONE? Meh. Maybe I'm just asking too much. It's not entirely outlandish to consider myself a selfish person. I just don't like being shot down ALL THE FUCKING TIME. All year, all I've wanted to do is watch either The Sound of Music, The Wizard of Oz, Titanic OR Anchors Aweigh with my friends. Just one of those movies I would like to watch with everyone else. Has that happened? Of course not. I'm watching Anchors Aweigh with Fallon tomorrow, though. So I guess that's a start. But honestly, I'm fully prepared to watch all of the other movies by myself. I've done it before, I can do it again. Actually, I don't know why it's so important for me to watch these movies with anyone else at all. If they don't want to watch them, that's their loss. I know how amazing all of these movies are. Fucking hell. And yet I get shocked gasps and stares when I say that I've never seen Step Brothers. And what happened? I was forced to fucking watch that movie. I don't mind it, really. But what if I'm firmly against Will Ferrell's existence (which I'm not)? I would not have wanted to see that movie. But no, they all felt that it was a movie that I really needed to see because apparently I was missing out on some serious amusement. Same thing with The Hangover. And while I enjoyed those movies, among others, I feel the same way about the movies that I listed early. Yet, will anyone cooperate with me so that they may witness a few brilliant musicals?! OF FUCKING COURSE NOT. I think the problem here is that I'm severely outnumbered, therefore it's quite easy for everyone else to impose their (well-meaning, I'm sure) will upon me. Whatever. I feel like crying. I honestly don't feel like I belong with them. I love each and every one of them but I just don't know. I need a drink.

Hm.

2010-02-01T22:59:00.002-05:00

Once again, it's been forever since I've posted (as if anyone actually cares). Lately, I've been feeling pretty down about everything. Mainly my body and my general being. I don't know. I've just been thinking that I hate my existence more than usual. I just feel like I'll never be happy with the way I look and it pisses me off to no end. I try to exercise as much as possible and I don't eat 24/7 but shit just doesn't work. Fuck this life. Anyway, there's also this guy. But I'm not going to get into that. Why? Because it's fucking pathetic. I am a fucking pathetic human being. Fucking hell. In other news, classes are okay. I'm taking Italian and that's pretty exciting. I know for a fact that this semester will go much better than the last. I think I need to change myself. A lot.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T15:52:00.001-05:00

It's Been Way Too Long

2009-12-22T19:47:00.002-05:00

Since I've posted. What's new in my sham of a life? Well, for one thing, I'm shocked to see how quickly my first semester of college evaporated right before my eyes. Who would have thought that something like a semester of schooling (which seems to drag by in high school and lower educational levels) could be so transient when it's actually enjoyable? Crazy. I had some struggles and some good times, academically speaking. I think it's going to be easier to adjust my academic life now than it was when I went from middle school to high school. Next semester will be pwnd by my pure awesomeness. Social life? Amazing! I've made some great friends and I honestly can't wait until next year. And of course, I met a guy. But it's one-sided (what else is new?). I expected that, but it didn't suck any less. I guess it came at the right time, right before we started the winter break. So a month of not seeing him will do me some good. Oh, and I'm a photographer on the school paper. Every week, since the issue that came out on October 13th (it comes out every tuesday), my photos have been in the paper. And I get paid, which is pretty cool. It's nice to have some sort of income while I'm at school even though it doesn't feel like actual work. I have so much more that I want to say about everything but...I just don't feel like typing it all. Oh! And I finally have a monopod (thanks dad)!!! I named it DiskoStick. =)

Procrastination at its Finest

2009-10-27T17:26:00.002-04:00

So right now I should be looking up sources for an essay that I need to write. The annotated bibliography is due tomorrow. I missed the class that this stuff is due for yesterday. What's been going on in my life? I went home [Brooklyn] on Friday. Stopped by my old job and got some free yogurt. Hung out with some coworkers. Laughed because nothing has really changed. Went to a photo convention on Saturday with my dad after getting my hair permed [finally!]. Went to Central Park with my mom on Sunday morning because she had to work a race and slept in the car. Went to Walmart and bought out the entire store with my mom on Sunday on my way back to Philly. Got stuck in traffic. Dropped half of my shit off and then my mom drove me to Temple's Ambler campus because I had to shoot the soccer game that afternoon. Left after 20 minutes and just over 100 photos. Edited them and stayed up to 2am chilling with my friends on Sunday night. Woke up at 12:20pm on Monday therefore missing three of my four classes. Took season preview photos of the womens basketball team and then went to class at 4pm. Stayed up til about 1am this morning. Woke up at 12pm therefore missing my only class for the day. And I've been unproductive ever since. I've been taking photos for The Temple News [the school paper] for the past three weeks and I've been doing pretty well. I've been on the paper since the October 13th issue and I've been published in that issue and last week's issue and this week's issue. Yay sports. I'll be shooting this week's football game against Navy. Awesome, right? No. Not when this week's game is on Saturday. As in Halloween. I wouldn't mind it so much if it weren't for the fact that I'm staying overnight. It makes sense though, seeing as how the staff has so much work to do after the game [editing, etc.] so I can't really be mad about it. After all, it was my decision in the first place to pick up the game. Meh. I won't be going to the Hollywood Undead concert in Baltimore because of it too. See, my original plan was to go to the concert with my friend and then we'd stay overnight at our friends' dorm at Johns Hopkins after the concert. Then my friend would give me a ride to Annapolis on Saturday morning so that I can make it to the game on time. But then that means that I'd have to pack all my camera gear, spare clothes, possibly a pillow and blanket and that would just be too much crap to carry around. So I thought that it would be much wiser for me to nix the concert and give the ticket to another friend so that it doesn't go to waste. I need to do work.

photos!

2009-10-11T23:56:00.003-04:00

FLICKR.COM/MOOP7

*so I figure that it would be far more effective for me to post the link to my flickr so that people can see the new photos that I put up from yesterday's football game (Temple vs. Ball State -- Temple won 24 to 19).

All the Cool Kids are Doing It

2009-10-04T01:08:00.002-04:00

And by the 'cool kids' I mean me and my roommate and by 'doing it' I mean staying in on a saturday night doing absolutely nothing while a bunch of our friends are out partying. It's okay though. We would have had to buy tickets and money isn't something I'm eager to spend at the moment. Oh well I got some reading done and I did my math hw. I was productive. And that's all that matters. In other news, I got a 68% on my Microeconomics exam. Nice. I'm not eager to see how the rest of the semester turns out concerning this course. I'm hungry.

C U Next Tuesday

2009-09-15T21:31:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty sure that I already wrote a blog with this same title. Oh well. I like it. Anyway, today is the first night that I've actually finished all of my work. No. That's a lie. I've finished all of my work on other nights. I don't know. Maybe I'm just proud of myself because I know I actually got a lot done. Anyway. I have a Stickam account. I find it really amusing what occurs on that website. I mean, I didn't really have any expectations. I just figured, hey, why don't I put my new webcam to use? What I didn't expect was to be hit on like I'm the hottest thing since sliced bread and asked at almost every turn whether or not I "showed" (took my top off for someone else's viewing pleasure). It's kind of interesting, to say the least. I mean, it's nice to know (or at least be convinced) that someone finds me attractive. In the case of Stickam, it's several someones. But that's ok. Idk, it's just weird I guess. I think I just keep waiting for someone to pop up and say "HAHAHAHA YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE THINK THAT YOU'RE HOT!?!?!?? HAHAHAHAH YOU STUPID CUNT!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!1!1!!" Is that weird? Idk. It's my general train of thought. And before anyone jumps to conclusions, no. I do not Show, nor do I ever plan to. Whenever I tell that to a guy, I sometimes get the response of him leaving my live feed. Oh well. Usually the response is something along the lines of "aww please? just for me?" Which I find really funny because that's what they all say. Whatever. It's my own personal entertainment that I care about after all.

So yesterday I went to my first group fitness class! It was originally scheduled to be Hip-Hop Funk but for some reason that was cancelled so the class was changed to Boot Camp for the night. Though it's titled Boot Camp, it really wasn't that bad. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was intense. But when I think of that phrase, the image of a very angry drill instructor with a whistle and a yelling fetish pops into my head. But the guy who was leading the class was actually really nice and motivational. So yeah. It was cool. I expected to feel some soreness in my legs but I guess my legs are more in shape that I'd realized. Though I do feel a bit of soreness on the side of my back. Like, below the armpit but between the armpit and the shoulderblade. Where the band of my bra goes. When I stretch (like have my arms above my head and just stretch), I can feel the soreness there. And a bit in my abs if I move a certain way. I'm proud of myself. My two friends that came with me left about 15 minutes before the class was over but I decided to stay until the very end. I mean, I'm on a mission here and I can't expect to lose weight if I don't at least push myself to stay for the full hour (though he ran over by 9 minutes). So after that, the three of us went to McDonald's but I didn't get anything (though I did steal two fries) because I didn't want to lose the effect of all of my hard work. So I went back to my room when we got inside and had a lovely snack of Chex Mix and water. I don't actually have a diet plan (and I don't think I ever will) but I figure cutting out the candy is a good start and having salads as my meal (or at least as part of my meal) is something to do as well. Hm. I'll see how it goes.

lolvlog

2009-09-09T10:47:00.002-04:00

Oh Hello Philadelphia, it's Nice to Finally Meet You.

2009-08-31T20:49:00.003-04:00

So I moved into college last Thursday and everything has been going pretty well. I've gotten the majority of my textbooks either used or from upperclassmen, I've seen hot guys and I've been hanging out with my new friends. Life is good. I just had my first day of classes today and I only have one tomorrow. And since I got here I've taken to getting the NY Times each day. I read Thursday's and Friday's papers (we don't get them on the weekends) but today I was much too preoccupied with the crossword to actually get any reading done. But that's ok. I think this is the farthest I've gotten in a NY Times crossword (or maybe ever). So I definitely need to get tomorrow's paper to figure out the rest of it. Tomorrow is going to be a good day (I think). I have class from 8am t 9:20, which isn't bad since I have the rest of the day FREE (same goes for Thursdays). Most people would prefer to have a single-class day start later so they can sleep in but I think it's best to get it overwith as quickly as possible so I can get on with the rest of my day. So tomorrow evening I'm heading out to the movies and then on wednesday night I might be hitting up a gay club (no, I'm not gay) and Thursday I'm going to the Temple vs. Villanova football game. I'm so STOKED for that. But I'll still get my work done. Pshh. I refuse to get horrible grades just because I have all of this freedom. I have plans that depend on awesome grades. So yeah. College will be awesome.

Untitled v.2

2009-08-24T21:04:00.002-04:00

In January of lat year I had a disturbing dream involving my father and a gun. Two nights ago I had another dream along those same lines, only this time it involved my mother. We were planning to go to my aunt's block party on Sunday (which we did) so on Saturday night I had a dream. I dreamt that my mother had her car parked up the block facing the correct way, since it was a one way street (which is was on Sunday) and she and I and a younger cousin were sitting in the car. I was in the front seat and she was in the driver's seat and the younger cousin was sitting in the back seat directly behind me. I knew that we weren't leaving, we were just sitting in her car. So for some reason I got out of the car to bring this younger cousin (who upon further examination turns out to not actually exist in my real family at all) back to his mother presumably. I go to take him out of the back seat and it turns out that he's impossibly tiny. I mean, he could fit into one of my hands comfortably. He was small. But seeing as how this was in a dream, it didn't seem out of the ordinary to me at all. So then this white guy comes up to the car and closes the back seat door as I've just gotten my cousin out of the car. I just look at him with suspicion and awkwardly thank him as I walk away while still looking back at him. Then I see him get into the front seat of my mom's car and point a gun at her while telling her "Shut your shit..." and I don't know why I didn't go back to do something about it. I guess it's because I wanted to get my younger cousin to safety first. But in the dream the thought to help my mother never crossed my mind. The next thing I know, I'm sitting in my aunt's house on the floor with some of my other relatives and telling them what happened. I don't know how I found out this information in the dream but I somehow came across the knowledge that my mother's right thumb had been shot off by the guy. What the hell? Seriously. What the hell is wrong with me?

My Room

2009-08-20T16:25:00.005-04:00

So I'm leaving for college next week. And naturally, what comes with leaving for college is the packing of one's belongings. Though I'm used to packing shoes and clothes and various other items for one trip or another, packing to leave for college is an entirely different ballgame. I've always known that I have a lot of stuff (and I mean A LOT) but it wasn't until now that I came to realize exactly how much. My room has been a mess for the past few weeks and normally I would pull myself together sooner or later to clean it up. On this particular occasion, it happened later rather than sooner. I'm not generally opposed to cleaning my room, it's just a matter of time and energy. However, I think I know why my inner procrastinator kicked into high gear now, of all times.

...(my room during the packing process of doom)...

I think it's because deep down, far away in the deep recesses of my being, I don't really want to leave. That's reasonable enough. I've been in that room for the past eighteen years of my life and now I'm suddenly forced (well...not really 'forced', more like highly encouraged) to pack up everything and leave to live in a space smaller than the one that I'm used to, while sharing it with a complete stranger. I'm excited but maybe I'm a little hesitant as well. I know for a fact that my dorm will not be as big as my room, it will not have wall-to-wall carpeting and it most certainly will not be painted mint green. But these are things that I'll have to live with. That's the point of going off to college, to be thrust most ungracefully out of one's comfort zone into a new zone that one can either choose to make comfortable and be happy or choose not to make comfortable and be miserable.

I don't think I'll have too much of an issue with that. The only question is, will my zone be comfortable with me?

Fucking Vampires

2009-08-12T11:55:00.001-04:00

Now there's a new show coming out this fall called The Vampire Diaries. This annoys me. Ever since Twilight captured the otherwise almost-nonexistent attention of tween girls everywhere, every new novelist that wants to break out into the writing scene has made their own twosted version of Stephanie Meyers' bloodsucking romance. Now I'll admit I'm a fan of the Twilight novels, but that's where it ends. Just the novels; not those monstrous atrocities that Hollywood makes a pathetic attempt at passing off as the movie adaptations. I mean, isn't one teen almost-cannibalistic forbidden love affair enough?! I should not be punched in the face by a table full of Twilight knock-offs whenever I pass the New in Teen Fiction table in Barnes and Noble while I'm on my way to the True Crime section. And you know what the worst part is? The kids buy into it. They actually fucking force their parents to spend their money on these ridiculous books when those dead presidents could be put to much better use. Like food, clothing, BILLS! Meh. It doesn't matter. People need to make money any way they can, even if it means leeching off of someone else's ideas. It's been done that way for centuries and it will be done that way for centuries to come.

I Wanna Take a Ride on your Disco Stick

2009-07-28T14:05:00.000-04:00

I'm kind of in love with this song.

London 2010

2009-07-27T15:09:00.001-04:00

It's gonna happen. Be prepared.

Oh Shit

2009-07-16T20:42:00.002-04:00

Yeah I still exist. So...a lot has happened lately. Let's start at the beginning (of the significant events). I went to orientation!! It was awesome. I met a lot of cool people and I saw a lot of eye candy. I registered for classes and I just got in the mail today that I placed into a higher english class because of the results of my placement test. Good stuff. I think Philly is a good place for me. It's a really nice city (once you get past the questionable parts that all cities have). I took a little trip down to South Street with a group as part of our orientation and I had Dairy Queen for the first time. That was a good evening. I'm excited to get to school for reals now.

A few days after orientation I had to pack my bag again for the ACT-SO National Competition. It was fun. Until the awards ceremony. I didn't place (for the second year in a row) but I think this year I really should have placed. Whatever. I've ranted enough about the judges' obvious incompetence enough. Not going to waste time on it now. It's all good though. I know I'm a good photographer.

Let's see...what else has been going on in my pathetic little life..? I got a 3 on my AP Euro test. Woo. I'm happy I guess, since I met my teacher's expectations. I thought that I was going to get a 1. According to the College Board, I'm "qualified". Nice.

Oh and since I've been randomly away for various reasons over the past three weeks, I actually went to work for the first time in eons yesterday. I swore up and down that I was going to get fired because I only have one shift this week. And on top of that the DM for my store was there all day yesterday adding to my paranoia. And we're doing a new trial run at my store so everything that I've been told and had drilled into my head for the past year was thrown out the window and run over several times in the street. So I did something a little different with a customer while I was helping them and after she paid and left, my DM called a minimeeting with my manager, my coworker and me. Oh shit. He's going to fire me right here and now. But he didn't. I actually got some really positive feedback and my manager and my coworker just laughed at me because they knew that I was spazzing out over whether or not he was going to fire me.

Today I went to the Bronx Zoo with my dad. I'd already gone earlier this summer with my friends but I wanted to go with my dad too. It was really nice. We just walked around and took pictures with our massive lenses and got dirty/awed/envious looks from everyone who could figure out how awesome we are. It was great. Then, as soon as my dad finished paying for some new batteries at the main gift shop, the power went out. So we decided that it was time to go. It's not really like anyone would notice that the power was out because the zoo is run on daylight since almost all of the exhibits are outside. But for those of us who were inside (of a wonderfully lit and air conditioned building) it was quite noticable. As we made our way back to the parking lot we noticed that the power was actually out everywhere. Oh snap. Even on the little carts that have popcorn, pretzels and ice cream. Yeah. We definitely had to go.

We got home and crashed. I went to sleep almost immediately (almost). Idk what my dad was doing but when I woke up he was sleeping too. We're awesome.

2009-06-25T23:31:00.002-04:00

Michael Jackson
August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

May the King of Pop Rest In Peace...

Happy Birthday to Me.

2009-06-07T22:11:00.003-04:00

Today I am 18 years old. It's kind of crazy. I feel like just yesterday I was celebrating my Poly acceptance and thinking up ways to reinvent myself for high school. However, the reinventing bit has failed and I'm pretty much the same person that I was four years ago. It's like the world has been growing up and changing around me accordingly while I'm just stuck in neutral. I don't know. I feel like I'm fully prepared for whatever life throws my way and like I shouldn't be 18 yet all at the same time. It's scary and exhilarating all at once. Physically, I don't feel any different (I never do on my brithdays) but emotionally, I feel...unexplainable. Like, I guess I keep waiting for something to hit me like BAM. I don't think it ever will, and that goes for each milestone age that I get to. But when I think about all of the opportunities that have opened up to me, it's amazing. And I'm not just talking about being able to buy porn and cigarettes either. I mean voting, paying bills, finally getting my own bank card, BEING A LEGAL FUCKING ADULT. It's just short of mindblowing. Okay, I may have exaggerated on that, but it's still kind of true. Meh. I'm excited. In less than two months I'll be moving into my dorm at Temple. As my dad said, this is really the beginning of my life.

Today...

2009-05-30T01:14:00.001-04:00

I graduated from high school.

Jaz is done....

2009-05-23T14:35:00.000-04:00

with high school forever. What's left? Prom and graduation.

My Home...

2009-04-28T20:30:00.001-04:00

for the next four years will be Temple University.

Life until May 29th

2009-04-23T13:13:00.001-04:00

Today - take my last math test ever then interview a potential Senior Leader. After school; go to Macy's to get my Bamboozle ticket then go to the pharmacy.
Tomorrow - Take my last Euro test ever (besides the AP). After school; shooting the varsity girls' lacross game then closing at work.
Saturday - Euro review session then closing at work.
Sunday - Work
Wednesday 4/29 - Penn State visit!
Friday 5/1 - Last day of official schoolness then probably work
Weekend 5/2 & 5/3 - Bamboozle!
Week 5/4 to 5/7 - last attempt to learn Euro
Friday 5/8 - Euro AP. God help me. Then probably work.
Saturday 5/9 - Senior Leaders school clean up day then probably work.
Sunday 5/10 - probably work.
Weeks 5/11 to 5/21 - preparing for Senior Plan and definitely work.
Friday 5/22 - Senior Plan.
Weekend 5/23 & 5/24 - probably work
Week 5/25 to 5/26 - prom crap? maybe work.
Wednesday 5/27 - Prom!
Thursday 5/28 - recover from hangover.
Friday 5/29 - Graduation!

Prom...

2009-04-22T19:28:00.001-04:00

is giving me limo issues.

Jaz is Going to Flip a Shit.

2009-04-08T16:27:00.004-04:00

Seriously. I am going to flip a shit. I mean...this is such fucking bullshit it's not even funny. It's fucking disgusting. Fuck. So I'm part of this program run by the NAACP. It's called ACT-SO and it's pretty much one big program run over the course of several weeks leading up to a local competition that ultimately chooses the competitors for the national competition. The categories range from dance to biochemistry to original composition and beyond. I competed in Short Story and Photography last year and I'm doing the same two this year. Short Story is only judged on the local level so I can't go to Nationals for it. However, last year I went to Nationals for Photography last year (didn't place last year) and I plan on doing the same this year. However, there's one little hindrance that I need to get rid of first.

So there's a coach for each category (pretty much) so that the competitors have some sort of guidance for making whatever they're doing the best that it can be. Last year there wasn't really a Short Story coach so I kind of just did whatever and it turned out well for me. For Photography, there's this useless, pathetic excuse for a photographer masquerading as a coach. He was completely worthless to me. I went to nationals without using a single picture that I was forced to take over the course of the program. So I pretty much ignored him this year because he grates on my nerves like no other. So I sent him the pictures that I would be choosing my competition photos from by the deadline (yesterday) and then he emails me back (after I'd already gotten off of my computer, according to the timestamp) saying that he needs me to send him the specifics of the pictures (i.e. what camera/lens was used, where, etc.). Last year, I wasn't required to send any of this. He also asked me for my bio and my picture (to put into the program book). This wasn't so much of an issue.

However, when I went to drop off my Short Story submission on Saturday, I specifically asked one of the women in charge of the ENTIRE program whether or not duplicates of my bio/picture were needed. I'd printed out two copies of each since I was competing in two categories. She assured me that only ONE copy was needed of each and so I left it at that. When I emailed my "coach" her response, he claimed that he still needed one. Why the FUCK should I listen to you when you're a (barely capable) "coach" and she's the one who actually knows what the fuck is going on. So continuing with the bullshit, I get an email today from him telling me that I won't be allowed to compete in Photography this year because "you have failed to provide them in a timely manor thus the decision had to be made". Get the fuck out of here with that.

This motherfucker needs to quit power tripping like he's somebody. Furthermore, he claims that "the process" (what process?) has been the same for five years. Yeah, okay. If this so-called "process" has been the same for 5 goddamn years, then why the fuck didn't you ask me for the specifics of my photos last year? Fucking hell.

Motherfuckers are messing with my money. So my dad and I are going to have a meeting with this douchenhausser and the director of ACT-SO on Monday to sort this shit out. I refuse to let the gold medal to some wannabe photographer who walks around with their little shitty point-and-shoot and they don't even know what the fuck it means to use the Manual setting on a camera, let alone what ISO does for a picture. This is such bullshit.

And the bitch can't even spell my name right. Fuck outta here...

Oh Snap

2009-04-06T19:14:00.001-04:00

I still have this thing. What else is new? College decision has almost been made, I have less than 20 days of school left, I have Senior Plan, I've found a prom dress, I've yet to find a prom date, I <3 my Flickr, my hair is growing, I need more work hours, I love TiVo, I'm fkkn beast in math, I've made new friends, I want to party like it's 1999.

Syracuse University...

2009-03-20T17:10:00.001-04:00

has rejected me.

Finally, I Get Some Good News.

2009-03-18T13:32:00.000-04:00

Acceptance number 3
From the office of
Temple University!

They Just Keep Coming.

2009-03-13T22:10:00.002-04:00

Rejection number 3.
Who from?
UT!

Epic Failure

2009-03-12T18:24:00.000-04:00

Rejection number 2.
From who?
Northeastern U!

Kablam!!

2009-02-26T17:57:00.001-05:00

I almost slept through my math test today. Luckily, I woke up in time and fled the library quickly enough to make it. I passed.

Rejection...

2009-02-23T19:13:00.002-05:00

...is never fun. So UConn rejected me today. If they don't want me, why would UT?

On the brighter side, Mina is back! I hung out with her last...Monday, I think. It was nice. We wandered around the city for a while and we went to this concert that We Are Powers was holding. They're cool.

Nothing left to say.

Uh...

2009-02-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

I'm alive. I swear.

If the World is Ending, I'm Throwing the Party

2009-01-15T19:42:00.003-05:00

So I got into Penn State and Drexel Universities! Woo!
I got a raise at work! Woo!
I got a Speedy 30! Woo!

I am now a second semester senior and I could really care less. School is a fkkn breeze now. And the best part about it is the fact that my grades aren't even slipping. I practically sleep in Latin IVA and yet I'm getting an A. It's obscene, but hey, it works.

So all I really need to worry about is Senior Plan. The general topic for this year is Behavior, Psychology and Morality so I'm going to be focusing on Birth Order and it's effect on children in families. It's going to be awesome.

Enough about school. So I was bored (as usual) one night and I decided to raid Craigslist for random stuff. So I'm looking through a search for Louis Vuitton and I get the crazy idea that I want a Louis Vuitton bag. But not any bag, I want a Speedy 30. Preferably Monogram Canvas but I didn't find it. I found a Damier Azur one instead. So I bought it. I met up with this lady in the city on Sunday to get it. I froze my toes off but that's ok. Now that I think about it I probably should have asked someone (Sylvester) to come with me just in case she was a psycho. But luckily, that wasn't the case so everything worked out fine. Oh, and yes. It's real.

My hands are cold. Oh and I had another dream about my friend's boyfriend. Yes, I said 'another', as in, I've had one before. I mean, I'm not exactly sure why. I'm already quite well aware of the fact that I think that he's hot and smart and absolutely awesome; so why does my subconscious feel the need to remind me? It doesn't make any sense. And it's not even like anything happened between us in either of the dreams. Definitely not this last one, since I remember it clearly. We were just hanging out in some random place (it looked like one of the science classrooms in my middle school) not really doing anything. Just talking with some other people around.

And all throughout the dream I was very well aware of the fact that he's Polly's (names have been changed) boyfriend. I mean, VERY well aware of this. But we seemed to be getting along so well, like he didn't even have a girlfriend. I guess that's why it's a dream. Also, one of my co-workers, who I kind of have a thing for, was also in the dream. That was extremely random. It just made no sense for him to be there. And I didn't even know that he was there until he said something. He had a book in front of him and a pen in his hand and he pointed out something in the book and said that it didn't make sense to him. I don't even remember being shocked or anything at him being there so I guess he was supposed to be. Either way, it was all very strange. But strange in the way that it's all quite normal when I think about it. If that makes sense. Whatever.

Metallica is fucking amazing. Why didn't I ever listen to them before? Sure I had Master of Puppets but that was one song. Now I'm listening to All Nightmare Long and it's such an intense high-energy song. And I love how their songs last for ages, like 6 minutes. And there will be 1-or 2-or 3-minute-long guitar solos and intros. Fucking epic.

Fuck College.

2009-01-02T14:41:00.001-05:00

It's complete bullshit.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T20:19:00.000-05:00

yeah. that's all i wanted to say.

My Moves are White (White HOT That Is)

2008-12-24T23:22:00.002-05:00

I'm obsessed with that song (the title of my blog). Go find it and listen to it. Anyway...

Whoa. How long has it been? I have no clue, actually. I suppose that I'll know once I publish this and look at my last post. Anyway, what's been up? A lot. Let's see...

I'm in college, bitches!!!!! Yeah that's right. I've been accepted to Penn State University (Lehigh Valley campus - International Business). I'm not sure if I'm going there though. I'm waiting on other decisions from the 128384020345 other schools that I've applied to. Northeastern deferred me. I applied Early Action but they put me in the Regular Decision applicant pool. I'm kind of sad about that. Drexel is still taking their sweet time in making a decision. It's kind of annoying...oh well.

I took my midterms. Those were okay...I guess. I didn't do as well as I'd wanted to on Euro. D= I didn't get the lowest grade in the class (which is great) but it's not something that I wish to talk about. So I'll stop now. I think my other exams were fine. Latin made me laugh so hard. My teacher didn't even make a new exam or anything. He just took all of our previous assessments and stapled them together. And added an essay at the end. It was amazing. Paleo is a hit or miss. More of a hit, I think, but then again, the way my teacher grades, it could be a bit of a miss. Senior Seminar I really didn't care about. It was a self-evaluation/reflection of my work and progress over the course of the...course (class). It was fine. Let's see...I'm not too sure about Selected Topics. That entire morning was a disaster. I woke up at a quarter to eight even though I was planning to take the bus to school since my exam started at 8:40. I get a ride to school from my dad. The BQE was backed up it's ass to Calcutta because they shut down the ONE OTHER LANE that was open. It was re-opened by the time we got to that part of the highway but it was still a pain. Oh, and I forgot my calculator at home. Which was great because I couldn't just ask my dad to turn aound so that we could go back home and get it. I was already going to be late enough for the exam as it was. So I called my school and left a message on my math teacher's phone. Then I finally got to school and I'm running around like a headless chicken looking for a fkkn calculator and I realize that there are only math exams that day. No Physics! So I borrow a calculator from my Physics teacher and that was that. I was late and as for the actual test...eh...meh.

It's Christmas Eve. I bought gifts for people. Well...actually only for my parents and my brother and one person at work. But that was only because we did Secret Santa at work so I had to get something. Oh, I actually did Secret Santa at school too for Senior Leaders. I got a Barnes & Noble gift card!! Woo! From my Secret Santa at work, I got Folie a Deux. The new Fall Out Boy cd. But I feel bad because I went and bought the cd the Tuesday that it came out (like a loser) so...now I have two. But that's okay. I don't mind.

I also finally got a watch. It's so pretty! It's from Juicy Couture. [Borat]Very nice[/Borat]. So I was supposed to go paintballing on Monday, but that didn't happen. After all that planning and the changing dates and venues and stuff...it didn't happen. I was very sad. It wasn't anyone's fault though. It was just RIDICULOUSLY cold that day. Apparently the fields were frozen over completely as were the guns. So the guns wouldn't have been able to fire and they would have broken. And that would have been bad. So we have to figure out when we're going to go. So after we were told that paintball definitely wouldn't happen, we [Jacob, Nathan and I] went back to Papa's house and watched V for Vendetta. I liked it but I thought there'd be more. I'd love to explain what the 'more' is but I'm not even really sure. I guess that I thought it would be a certain way from the trailers and stuff. Oh well. It was still awesome.

So yesterday Dan, Nathan and I went to breakfast at IHOP. That was nice. Then we kind of forced Nathan to come with us to the movies. But then I felt bad because he was kind of passed out on the train on the way to the movies so we sent him home. So Dan and I went to see Role Models and Quantum of Solace. Role Models was so...ridiculously amazing. It had such obviously bad innuendos that it was impossible not to enjoy it. Quantum was pretty good too. I don't think I fully understood it because I don't really remember much of what happened in the first movie and the dialogue in the movie was a bit low (in my opinion). Oh well. I still liked it. We also saw The Tale of Despereaux and The Day the Earth Stood Still in between Role Models and Quantum of solace. Despereaux was cute and we only saw the first twenty minutes or so of Earth. I kind of wanted to stay and watch that one but we set out to see Quantum so we had to leave once it was time for that to start.

Work was amusing today. It was just Daniel (my manager) and I for the whole day (since we closed at 5pm today) and we were bored out of our minds. It was great. I wanted to play my iPod because I have Christmas music from the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Symphonic Rock ftw! But I didn't. =(

Yeah...I don't think I'll be going with my mom tomorrow. Bah. I should. But. I don't really want to. I like the idea of sleeping in. Since I've been on vacation (since the 19th) I've slept in exactly...zero times? Maybe once. I don't remember. So I might do that tomorrow.

I need to start running. Or something. I have a track meet the day I go back to school (January 5th) so I should be doing stuff over the vacation. To prepare and stuff. But...I just want to relax, you know? Meh...I need to get on it though. And my Euro extra credit. I really NEED to get on that. Like...seriously. Oh. Um...damn. Oh well, I forgot what was going there.

Well. When I think of something interesting to blog about, I'll be back.

Midterms!! Or Should I Say Finals?

2008-11-16T19:22:00.002-05:00

So I'll be taking my last miderms EVAR this December. The schedule was just posted and I'm not really bothered by my the times too much.

Friday December 12th - 1:00pm - Senior Seminar
I really don't care too much about this. From what I've heard, it's just an essay about how I've done in the class or something based on self-reflection. It'll be cake.

Monday December 15th - NOTHING!
So I'll probably use this day to study and stuff. I might go to work if I'm feeling prepared enough.

Tuesday December 16th - 8:40am - Latin IVA
This won't be difficult either. Unlike my previous three years of Latin, this year we're not actually learning the language. We're just reading stuff (in English) and talking about the ancient Greek's way of life and stuff. Cake.

Wednesday December 17th - 8:40am - AP European History
I'm fucking scared.

Thursday December 18th - 8:40am - Selected Topics: Pre-Calculus Part I
1:15pm - Paleoanthropology
K so I'm not really happy with math and paleo on the same day but I'm doing pretty well in both classes so it shouldn't be that bad. Paleo might be a bit tricky though because there might be diagrams and...things. I don't know. I think I'll be able to handle it. Pre-calc won't be too tough since I actually know what's going on in the class. I just have to study my notes and the textbook and my tests (since they're all rather good) and I should be fine.

Friday December 19th - NOTHING!
Holiday Chapel is this day and I'm really excited about it since It'll be the last Holiday Chapel that I'll experience at Poly. -sniff- It'll be fun. I'm excited. And this is the last day of school before Winter Break and we go back on January 5th. Woot.

I Like My Sugar with Coffee and Cream

2008-11-15T23:31:00.002-05:00

So I spent most of the day with Mina yesterday and it was awesome. I'm not really sure whether I want to see the vid that she recorded of me rambling on about random stuff, though. She met me at my school at about 10:30ish and we went out to get food (the food was for me but she walked with me). Then we hung out in the dugout of the baseball field and just talked. Then I had to go to class so for 45 minutes I was forced to endure actual learning. Oh well. Then we hung out more, I skipped practice, then we took the train into Manhattan because I had to go to work. Had some free Pinkberry. It was nice. She might be coming back next Friday. We'll see.

Oh. At work we have a new flavor. Pomegranate! It's actually really good. And we also have pomegranate seeds as the seasonal topping. Those are good too but not as good as the yogurt. At first they're sweet and then they just KICK your taste buds.

Oh. GET SOME!!!!!!!!!!

Go Vote.

2008-11-03T22:21:00.002-05:00

I Applied to College Today

2008-11-02T00:22:00.002-04:00

At 1:00 this morning actually. Right when I got home from work. I applied Early Action to Northeastern University. Wish me luck!

As for my other schools, as soon as I get this second essay done, I'll be able to submit my applications for A&M and UT. Speaking of UT, the Longhorns lost to the Texas Tech Raiders today. They were losing for pretty much the whole game and at the end of the 4th quarter they were up 33 - 32. Then TT gets a fucking impossible touchdown making the final score (with the field goal) 39 - 33. The students/fans stormed the field three times.

I want to go shopping.

Love Pink

2008-10-30T21:33:00.003-04:00

I love buying new underwear. Victoria's Secret Pink underwear are awesome. They're all so pretty!!

Anyway, life is okay I guess. Tomorrow is Halloween and I'm stuck working (closing actually). Even after work I have no plans. This sucks. I'd hoped that I'd be doing something fun for my last Halloween before college. Oh well, it looks like I'll be compensating for lost fun next year.

I finished my college essay today too. Let's hope it's good enough for me to send off by Saturday. I really can't afford to have to work on it for much longer since the deadline for EA to Northeastern is on Saturday. It's about gay marriage. Woo. My head itches.

Oh, I got my senior pictures today. The promo kind with the writing from the photography company all over it. I like them all (there are five) but my mom is bitching about the fact that I wore my glasses in all of them. She says that she can't see my face. That's a fucking lie. My glasses take up a quarter of my face at the most. Fucking ridiculous. She want's me to do retakes and I absolutely refuse.

I want to lose weight. What else is new?

I'm trying to raid Limewire for some Beastie Boys songs but the stupid thing refuses to connect properly. So now I have to restart my computer after I'm done writing this. I finished Eclipse today. It's the third book in the Twilight series. That series is addictive. I'm not so sure how the movie will be though. The emotions that are so poignant in the book don't look like they translate well enough in the movie. Oh, and the guy who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire has been cast as Edward Cullen. I find this amusing.

Speaking of Harry Potter, I have two goals. The more realistic of the two is to reread the entire series. I know that when I first read some of the books (particularly the last few) I sort of rushed through them because I was so excited that I had the book. I just had to know what happened next. So I'm going to do that after i finish reading Wicked, Catch-22 and Freshman. Or maybe I'll just do that now. My second goal is to get tickets to see Equus. I doubt this will happen, though. Tickets are about $120 a pop. It's nice to dream though. Haha. Dreaming.

I've also come to a decision. As it's apparent that I'm quite unlikely to get noticed (as a female rather than just that weird girl) at school by anyone who strikes my fancy, I've resigned myself to being an observer. In observing people, I'm able to make up anything that I want in my head. And that's good because everything happens that I want to happen in my head. So I'm content to just sit back by myself and just observe. That may not make much sense but I don't care at this point. I'm really getting annoyed at Limewire so it's time for me to end this.

I Love Texas A&M.

2008-10-11T11:31:00.001-04:00

'Nuff said.

Edit -- except for when they lose at football.

1. What is going on in your life right now?

2008-10-09T22:54:00.003-04:00

This was a question that was asked in Senior Leaders on Wednesday. A lot has been going on in my life.

Pinkberry is becoming my third home, closely following my second home AKA school. My first home doesn't even seem like my home anymore since I spend more time at work and at school than I actually spend living there. Oh well. I really need to buy some insoles because my feet are starting to suffer for my obscene work hours. This past weekend was especially brutal. Let's recap, shall we?

Friday - work from 7 to close; get home at 1:30am; sleep at 4:15am; awaken at 5:15am
Saturday - get to Union Square to take SAT II (Lit) by 7:30am; test doesn't begin until 10:15am; rush to work after test to get phone (left it there the night before); walk down to SoHo then back up to Union Square and eventually to work from 4 to 8; get home at 9:30; asleep by 9:56pm
Sunday - awaken at 8am to leave my house by 9 so that I can open and work until 5; luckily I get to go home early because it's ridiculously slow that day which means that I can spend time with my brother (who I rarely see)
Monday - I should NOT have gone to school.
Tuesday - I'm called in to cover for someone. The shift? 6 to close.
Wednesday - I barely manage to make it through the day. Just as I'm heading to IHOP to have dinner with my parents, I'm called in to cover again. The shift? 8 to close.
Thursday (today) - I didn't even bother with going to sleep because the plan was to leave the house at 4:15am to catch our 6am flight.

So anyway, now I'm in Texas looking at colleges. Earlier today my dad and I went on a tour of the University of Texas Austin. It's an amazing school and I absolutely love it. I really hope I get in because it's definitely a place that I can see myself in for the next four (or more) years. The only real issue (assuming I get accepted) is the heat. I mean, it's fucking October and people are wandering around in flip-flops and shorts. Wtf? Anyway. We drove over to College Station (where we are now) from Austin and tomorrow we're going to tour Texas A&M University. It should be nice. We just had dinner at Red Lobster (which I haven't been to in eons) and I'm so fkkn tired. Oh well.

In other news, I would start to blather on about my progress in the college process but I really don't want to, so I won't. I bought a Halloween costume. I'm excited about that. And I joined the newly-formed Photography Club at school. And I write for a new publication at school. My extra-curiculars are growing by the minute. I keep meaning to get back on top of my training for the Winter Track season but I do my homework after school (at school) now so it really depends on how much time I have left after my homework is finished.

K, I don't know what else I have to ramble on about. It's 11:11pm make a wish (in New York)!

2008-09-20T22:20:00.002-04:00

so i entered this photography contest on Brickfish.com so i just want whoever actually reads this blog to vote for me. please? all you have to do is click the green button. =)

Photo Shoot Out 2
Brickfish

Ehh

2008-09-19T18:00:00.003-04:00

College is looming over my head. I'm not too sure how everything is going to work out. My grades didn't really start to look good until the end of my junior year. But I have an obscene amount of extracurricular activities so who knows what will happen with that. I'm still at PB although I haven't worked in a while. Mainly because I can only really work on weekends and days off from school. Oh well. I bought a new wallet today from Urban Outfitters. It's really pretty. =)

School

2008-09-05T20:23:00.002-04:00

has started. Yay? Yeah I guess that's a yay. I'm really happy to see my friends and teachers that I like. And the guys that I can fantasize about during class. I'm just not looking forward to the frenzy of anxiety and sleepless nights that accompany senior year and the college process. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. In other news, Pinkberry has been going well. (good looking co-workers and all of that). I got my final check from Big Apple and next week I should be getting my second check from PB. Hm..I'm not too sure what else to say. I know I wanted to write a lot but now I just don't feel like it because I think I've pretty much covered the basics. Yeah. So um...until next time!

What A Wonderful Kind of Day!

2008-08-15T21:56:00.002-04:00

Holy crap. Where do I start? I suppose at the beginning, that's the best place after all. So yesterday I went to the Gramercy Pinkberry to inquire about their job openings and as it happens they were indeed hiring. So I decided last night that I would go to that Pinkberry and fill out an application and then wander around the city to apply to several other Pinkberry locations as well as a few Starbucks stores.
It turns out that I didn't need to do that at all. I got an interview on the spot! I'll spare the details and get straight to the point; I'M HIRED! So I need to go back tomorrow to work out the nuts and bolts and then on monday for orientation. Woo!!!
And it gets better! So I randomly saw Ani and Roman in a Subway restaurant so I stopped in and had a little chat with them, which was nice. And then I went over to West 4th to see my uncle but he wasn't there. So Quincy calls me and asks me to get his umbrella from Pinkberry on Bleeker [since he left it there] and that's how I ended up at Chelsea Piers with him and Cindy. We played didder for a while and i passed Exotic Ethnic with a B. I almost failed it but I was having none of that. So I made a comeback and pushed to the end. Same thing with Paranoia Rebirth but I already know that I can pass it so that's not so much of a big deal. Yeah. Then we headed over to the Air Hockey table where Quincy destroyed me. It was quite sad. Then we went into the photobooth [my first time ever!] and took random pictures. It was quite the tight sqeeze with the three of us squeezed in there, but it was still fun.
After that we headed over to the Chelsea Pinkberry and had a nice reat to end the say [well, mine at least. Those two are still out?] Yeah. I'm a happy child.

Wowzers.

2008-07-26T20:04:00.002-04:00

So once again, my posts are running on the schedule of a blue moon. Oh well. I've been busy working and stuff. I'm learning how to throw the discus so that when outdoor season starts up next year I'll be doing three events. Idk what I'll be doing during indoors though, maybe I'll run the 55m again. Who knows. I'm going to Florida next week. On Wednesday to be exact, so I'm pretty excited about that. On Monday I'm going to see The Dark Knight with some friends and I'm getting a manicure on Tuesday. What a week I have planned. I won't be back from Florida until the 4th. Other than that, nothing has really been going on. I've been more isolated than anything. You would think that since it's summer I'd be going out more. Wrong. But it's not on purpose, it's just that I've kind of been....idk a hermit? Lol. No. I'm never a hermit, although others are. No, I guess I've just been busier than I've realized. Between work and track camp and catching up on sleep, there hasn't been much time to hang out with friends. Besides, I think I've lost some anyway.

HAY GUYS!!

2008-07-07T20:05:00.002-04:00

Yeah so it's summer. I just started my job today. It kind of sucked but I'm getting paid so it doesn't suck as much. Daddy is coming home today! Yay! In a few hours actually. I'm doing some college visits when I can fit them in around work. I went to Fordham last week with Dan, that was fun. Then we went to see Wanted, which was AMAZING! I'm going to Syracuse and Johns Hopkins within the next few weeks. I tried to find a date for Hofstra, Penn State and Marist but I couldn't find a good one. Otakon is in a few weeks. I really want to go but as far as my parents are concerned, my con-going days are over. But that's what they think. Whatever. I need to buy material, a monthly unlimited metrocard, new headphones, new clothes and a bunch of other stuff. So this entry made little sense, and is quite short. Oh well.

It's Been a While

2008-05-30T01:32:00.002-04:00

So things have been going okay so far. The school year is almost over so I'm really trying to make it through these last two weeks. Next week is review week and the week after that is finals week. I bought the Canon Digital Rebel XSi last friday. Woot! I've been testing my camera out as much as possible and I'm pretty satisfied with what I've experienced so far.
My birthday is next saturday. I'll be turning 17. I don't think that I'll be doing anything though. I thought about having a bowling party and then have everyone come back to my house to eat and hang out. But it's too late to organize something like that so I figure I'll just hang out with people or something. I don't know. I have too much shit to deal with already and I really don't feel like stressing out over what the hell I'm supposed to do for my 17th.
So tomorrow, [friday], I'll be organizing my notes and junk for finals review. Fun. Yeah. I'm pretty tired so I'm going to call it a night. More later.

2008-04-29T18:05:00.008-04:00

EPIC.

FAILURE.

Dieting

2008-04-27T19:21:00.002-04:00

is fun. Really. It is. So week one of the Cahill diet has passed, although I can't say that I've followed it as well as I should have. But that's ok. On friday I went to Joe's restaurant for his birthday dinner thing so of course I couldn't maintain my strict food limitations there. Saturday...Grapes, yogurt and ritz crackers at around 2pm. 2 bowls of honey nut cheerios at a little past midnight. I think that's pretty good. Today, yogurt, package of buddig turkey and 2 donuts. Yes, I know I shouldn't have had those donuts but it's been so long...and they're just sitting there. But anyway. I'm definitely having whatever mommy cooked tonight which means that I'll restart the diet tomorrow. Actually, I like this system. I think I'll make it go a little something like this. Monday to friday is hardcore salad, granola, water, yogurt and fruit. Saturday is the same but maybe with a bowl of cereal but I'll try not to have it. Sunday is sunday dinner. Yeah, I think that's doable. Ok so wish me luck in all my dieting adventures!

2008-04-16T20:34:00.000-04:00

Why do I fail so hard at life?

Answer and you get a cookie. =)

Photoblog v.2

2008-03-26T17:49:00.011-04:00

I went to South Street Seaport to take some pictures today, then I walked over the Brooklyn Bridge. These aren't in any particular order. Click on the pictures to see them full-sized. Enjoy. =)

I've realized

2008-03-25T14:49:00.002-04:00

how much time I don't have left before college. I was thinking about it a while ago and it still hasn't fully hit me. I'm going to be a senior. In 6 months. That's not a lot of time. I have 2 months left as a junior. 2 months left to either make me or break me. This should be fun.

So as I sit here...

2008-03-18T23:58:00.001-04:00

I realize that I have no life.

Looks Like It's Time for...

2008-03-14T23:39:00.021-04:00

PHOTOBLOG!!! Yay!!! [throws confetti everywhere].

So yeah, I'm in this program that I go to on Saturdays and I'm participating in two parts; photography and creative writing. So I don't really want to put my creative writing up here for all the world to see, but I will display my photography. Because everyone likes pictures better anyway. =p

It's either focusing on green, as a color focus shot, or focusing on the coin, as a pseudo-macro shot. lawl.
I kind of have an obsession with Converses.
I bought this knife in China last year.I find it interesting how these berries still manage to grow on an otherwise dead bush.
There are ducks and geese all over my fkkn school campus.
lolwannabemacrobutnotyet
Random b/w on my way home.
More stuff on campus...
View from the Smith-9th Street train station.
Shadows are fun.
I love these things.And last but not least, Lux.

So I know that my pictures are nothing mind-blowing or super-intense, but I'm trying to advance my understanding of this new camera [Panasonic Lumix DCM-LX2 w/ a Leica Lense] as well as photography in general. I'm more used to using my huge-ass Canon, Mark II-like models, but the one that I'm using now is way more convenient, not to mention much lighter. So it's just a matter of figuring out how to get the most out of it in order to produce awesome pictures. Eventually I want to get a Canon Digital Rebel XTi, but patience is a virtue...[comment my pics, yo!]

***BONUS!*** I was bored and this popped into my head. XD

Ok, now I'm done.

Almost

2008-03-12T19:24:00.003-04:00

STUPIDEST WEEK EVER!

Everyone is Doing It

2008-03-03T18:45:00.003-05:00

[updating I mean]. So...what the hell has been going on lately?
Well, I went to a Linkin Park concert (Feb. 21st, MSG) and it was fkkn awesome!! It was the first concert of theirs that I'd ever been to and I am not disappointed. So yeah, I'm glad that I got the chance to go with my friends, which made it even better.

My grades have continued to go up, which is wonderful. Um...yeah, oh! I went to see the musical at school on Saturday. This year it was Urinetown. It was pretty damn good. So today I stayed home from school [for personal reasons]. And now I'm in the process of baking the second of two cakes for tomorrow's bake sale. The winter track team is having a bake sale tomorrow in order to raise money to offset the cost of sweatshirts for the team. I'll be bringing a Funfetti [confetti in the cake itself] bundt cake and a Devil's Food sheet cake. I hope we raise enough...yeah. Nothing more to put here. My brain doesn't want to think clearly any more. =/

Soreness Has Never Felt so Good

2008-02-15T22:09:00.002-05:00

Yep. My upswing has continued and I'm pretty happy about that. I got my SAT scores back and I've improved by a whole 80 points. I know it may not seem like a lot but it is. Yay! And for some reason I got really motivated at practice today, so after I did my 9 straightaways, I was technically done but I went into the fitness center and did 50 leg curls, 50 leg extensions, and 50 sit-ups. Yeah. The BURN was definitely felt.

So I think I might go jog for a bit tomorrow. Or maybe sunday. I don't know, I've got a busy 4-day weekend ahead and everything isn't completely figured out yet. Ah well. It'll all sort itself out in the end.

Wizards in Winter

2008-02-14T21:53:00.004-05:00

So yesterday I had a track meet. It went pretty well, I suppose. I was entered in the Triple Jump by my coach for some bizarre reason. He wanted me to try it out (despite the fact that it was the 2nd to last meet, the last one being next Wednesday and I'd never done the TJ before). So yeah, I tried it and failed. It wasn't too horribly bad, although I did fall hard on my last attempt and skin both knees (my left knee is still in repair).

So I didn't do as well as I'd wanted to in the Long Jump (which is something I actually know how to do) but that's okay. Life goes on, I haven't had any real LJ practice since the runway to the Long Jump pit still hasn't been bonded down. So we can't use it. And now for the highlight of my meet...

I came in 1st place in my heat of the 55m Dash. Hooray!! (dances around). So yeah. I'm proud of that. The last time I came in first place (at the meet before this one), there were only two of us in the heat. Me and another girl. In this heat, there were three others. So I'm happy that I won. I'm going to keep working hard. I still don't really like running track but I've come up with a reason to keep going.

I was on Facebook (ages ago being unproductive, as usual) and I was looking through the pictures of a group that I'm in called 'I can't...I have Track'. So I found this one really cool picture of someone's ankle and on it there's a tattoo of a wing (one on each ankle actually) like the wings that the Greek messenger Hermes has on his ankles.
I've decided to earn those for myself. I'm going to work hard enough so that I can wear those wings with pride. That sounds so cheesy. But yeah. So that's my reason to do my best in running track, so I can earn those wings. =D

So...

2008-02-12T21:07:00.000-05:00

Hm. Today kind of sucked. And by 'kind of' I really. So I had to recite a poem in front of the entire school this morning. In LATIN! Ugh. So needless to say I was nervous out of my mind, so much so that I completely blanked on the fkkn poem on stage. Not fun.

Then, two periods later I had an Algebra II test. Nice! Except not. So I don't know how I did on that. I went to my teacher right before I went to the chapel this morning to do some extreme last-minute review. I don't know. I'll see how much that helped when I get the test back.

Then I was supposed to go to my Set Design teacher to catch up on work that I missed last Wednesday since I wasn't in school. I was going to tell him that I'd come to make up the work during the period after our originally scheduled time. So I check back a few times and it turns out that he wasn't even in school today. So I'm still behind the class. On the bright side, his absence extended my free so I had no class from 11:15am until 2:00pm (instead of the usual 1:15pm).

At 2:00pm I had English, which meant that I had to recite (yet again). Although, this time it was a passage from the book Motherless Brooklyn by Johnathan Letham. It was an amusing passage and I really like it but I kind of screwed it up (as if I didn't do that enough this morning, I had to ask for a line twice while I was on stage. Twice!).

Finally, the last period of the day arrives! Relief, right? Ha! No such luck. I've still got an in-class essay for History to write. It wasn't that bad. It was just annoying to have to do so much in one day. My teacher let us use outlines and stuff so it was all good in the hood.

It snowed! That was the highlight of my day. So of course I didn't go to practice as a result. Not like I could have done much anyway (even though I do have a track meet tomorrow). My coach has me Long Jumping (which is cool) and Triple Jumping. I've never Triple Jumped before. I'd much rather do the LJ and run the 55m Dash, but he doesn't want me running that. It makes me a bit sad that he'd rather stick me in an event that I've never done than have me run something that I'm quite familiar with. He wants me to focus on what I'll be doing next week at Ivys.

Dude, if that's the case, have me do something that I actually KNOW how to do. You know, something that I've been practicing? He originally had me down to do the 55m Hurdles but I can't hurdle to save my life and I explained that to him, but he won't switch me into the 55m Dash. Meh.

I bought a new pair of heels. I've seriously been looking for some pretty, comfortable heels to wear. Lol. Comfortable heels. That's an oxymoron. But even so, I found a pair, and so I'm wearing them now to get them used to my feet. Yes, there is some mild discomfort but nothing that won't go away in time.

I also got come ColdStone ice cream to celebrate the snow. Wafflecone cup x Sweet Cream x M&M's x Butterfinger. That's the best combination ever! Yes, I know, it's not the smartest idea in the world to walk around in the cold, snowy weather eating a a huge cup of ice cream, but it just seemed right. It was one of those times where the snow is coming down softly, there's no wind and it's not absolutely freezing outside. It was nice. Until my hands started to get numb and almost immobile from the combination of the cold air and holding a cup full of ice cream. But that didn't happen until I was walking up the block to my house, so it didn't last long.

Jaz was productive today! She came home, ate her ice cream, sat on the computer for less than an hour (actually only for the time that it took her to eat the rest of the ice cream) and then went upstairs to her room to start on her History homework. That was at 6:45pm. Yes, she strayed away from the Path of Productiveness a little, but it was nothing serious. And so she's done with that and almost done with this blog entry as well.

Oh! As a side note, whoever is reading this, you should check out the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. They ROCK!

Woot!!

2008-02-03T22:44:00.001-05:00

NEW YORK GIANTS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!
Final Score: 17 - 14
Congratulations to the New York Giants for taking the New England Patriots' arrogance and shoving it where the sun don't shine.
Click here to see the Best Tackle Ever.

Things Are Finally Starting to Look Up...

2008-02-01T12:09:00.000-05:00

Yay!! Okay so I got back a few grades within the past week or so and I am quite pleased with myself. 85 on a Latin test (which I walked out of feeling like I completely failed it), 96 on an Algebra II test (which is shocking since I suck hard at math, hence why I'm a year behind in the subject), 40/40 which is a 100 on an Algebra II quiz (once again, quite shocking) and a 19/20 which is a 95 on an English vocab quiz.

I also took a Latin quiz yesterday morning and I know that I aced it, although I don't think that I got either of the bonus questions right. That's fine anyway since they're bonus questions. Oh! And the History test yesterday afternoon. I think I did quite well on that. Jaz is so happy. My open response questions (answer 3 out of the 4 of them, worth 20 points each) were a lot longer than the ones that I usually write. Hopefully that's a good thing. I don't think that I babbbled in my responses, but for the first one, I wrote a whole page. I never write a page for open responce but yeah. Jaz is anxious to see her grade. As I was walking out of the test (one of the last 3 in the room) my teacher looked at the bonus section and said "Nice job on the Rhyme Time Jaz!" So I know I got 5 extrta points on the test, if nothing else. Hooray!

So as the title says, things are finally starting to look up. I'm really proud of myself for the fact that I've managed to make this much of a turnaround in the second semester. I plan to continue this path of awesomeness, especially since the college process is starting up for me. Well guys, wish me luck!

Bricks

2008-01-30T17:42:00.000-05:00

Okay so. The plan for the rest of the week is as follows:
Thursday: 8:30am - Latin vocab quiz
11:15am - Meet with college counselor
2:00pm - History Test
Friday: School
6:00pm (or later)"attend" a meeting of absolute pointlessness
Saturday: 9:00am (for us workers) Colgate Finals
Sunday: nothing that I know of as of now.

Well, now that I've got that figured out, I need to go learn History.

2008-01-28T18:06:00.000-05:00

Oh yes. Hurdles are the definition of suck. Oh, and daddy? You're not making it any better. No, if anything you just make it a million and one times worse. I mean, holy shit dude. It's bad enough having my former-track-athlete-turned-track-coach-turned-track-photographer dad as a coach on the school's team, but on top of that, you're fucking frustrating!

Don't get me wrong. Of course I appreciate the fact that he's taking time out of his obscenely busy schedule to come work with the team but really...there's just something about it that doesn't sit well with me. Maybe it's the fact that people will probably expect me to be some sort of world-class runner because of my father's (and mother's) background in track. Yes, I know that I've been to more track meets in my lifetime than anyone else on the team (as he so wonderfully put it) but what the hell does that have to do with me being a good runner?

Fucking hurdles. Why the fuck can't I get over a bloody hurdle? Why?!!? It's beyond frustrating. It's infuriating. I can't do it. I don't know why. Fine, maybe it has to do with the fact that I can't even lift my legs "more than 4 or 5 inches off the ground" as daddy says. But I don't have a mental road block.

He says that I'm thinking about it too much and I'm going to have to disagree on that one. I am not thinking too much. I plan to run and then jump over the blasted object that has become worse than the bane of my existence. If that's too much thinking then what the fuck do you want me to do? Become a mindless drone who doesn't even think about the fact that I have to go over the hurdle in the first place? That's what's going to happen.

And another thing, fuck you and your problem with me being "too emotional". You suck. You try sticking yourself in my shoes for a bit and see how it feels to have parents who have never seen anything you've ever done as good enough all throughout your life. Yeah. Try having your father as your fucking coach, telling you that you can't lift your legs and you need to trim them down to run. So what the fuck? Am I too fat to run track now too? If that's the case then how about I just go anorexic for you. How would you like that?

God fucking dammit. I try to harness my emotions. I really do, but that shit doesn't work. Tell me this, how does one go about becoming completely and utterly stoic? I would love to be devoid of all emotion to the point where people question my humanity, if it makes it so that I never shed another tear again.

I know it may not seem like it, but it's very easy for me to be brought to tears. Not that I particularly want anyone to know that but this is a public blog and I have no clue who reads this so I may have just brought my own downfall upon me. Oh fucking well. I don't want to be the crybaby anymore. But how the FUCK do I stop it? Ignore them? Turn the other cheek? Well I've fucking run out of cheeks and ignoring has never worked.

I've been trying to get rid of these cursed tears since I became a "big girl". You know, the type that isn't supposed to cry. That was at least ten years ago. What the fuck am I doing wrong? How can I stop it? How? I really want to but there just seems to be no way. And it doesn't help that the parental units definitely don't believe me.

I'm such a fucking disappointment to them. They're both track-heads and they don't even have a good runner to show for it from their own family. They've already missed out on my brothers so now there's only me. What the fuck can I do? Nothing. I guess they're lucky that I decided (quite reluctantly) to do track at school.

Last year, during the Winter sports season, I played squash. Imagine how embarrassing it must have been for them when their fellow track-heads asked what sport I did.
"Squash." They would reply. My father doesn't even consider Squash to be a real sport.
"Oh. Well, I thought she would be running track. You know, keep it in the family." The other track-heads would respond.
Cue uncomfortable laughter.
At least I had fun playing Squash. I actually felt as though I had a real chance to improve and bring something to the team. What can I bring to track? I'm not particularly fast, I don't jump very far and I can't even get over one fucking hurdle. Pathetic. That's what I am.

A pathetic track runner-wannabe. And a disappointment to the only two coaches who matter in my life.

ReChangeOverMake

2008-01-27T18:38:00.000-05:00

So...today I finally got a perm. I really needed it. Now my hair cooperates with me without being a bitch about it. That was early this morning. I was done by about 12:15ish so I called Mina to see if she wanted to come with me to drop off applications and stuff.

So we met up at Broadway Junction and made our way into Manhattan. The first stop being American Eagle on 34th street. I had my application done and everything but it turns out that they don't accept applications during the weekend. The manager is only in during the week so I have to come back between Monday and Friday, 9am to 5pm.

I don't know exactly when that's going to happen since I've got this little thing called school to worry about. Meh. There's always President's weekend.

So after we finished in AE, we took the bus down to Union Square so that I could check out the Free People store on 5th Avenue. Free People is awesome by the way. Awesomely expensive, but still awesome.
I really want this jumper...meh. Anyway, when we got inside, I was originally in awe because I was actually in such an awesome store. I'd only seen their products online, but it was so cool to see all of it in person. Then I remembered what I'd went into the store for. I have to be 18 to work there. Can someone say 'denied'? I certainly did.

So yeah...after that, Mina and I hit up a few thrift shops along the way to the Pinkberry on Bleeker Street, where I would drop off my last application for the day. It was pretty fun. The Freaks Lounge has been turned into an Andy's Cheapees store. It's pretty cool.

We met this one lady who worked there. She was...awesome. I think I need a new word. But anyway, she was. So we spoke to her for a while. I found this really cute wrap-around pleated plaid skirt in there. I didn't buy it though. It was $24 and even if I did have the money for it, I probably wouldn't have bought it. Oh well.

So we ended up at Pinkberry and a few minutes after we sat down to eat, Asia walks in. Surprise, surprise! So yeah. It was nice seeing her for a bit. We hung out, ate, talked and so on.

Overall it was a pretty good day. Until I got home and naturally the parental units had to fuck everything up. But that's another blog.

C U Next Tuesday!

2008-01-26T17:53:00.000-05:00

Hm...it's finally the weekend. But soon enough it'll be over and then it's back to the daily grind of school and work and whatever else people do during the week. Leading the more 'normal' or 'safer' part of their double lives. In my case, I took the SAT this morning. Meh. How do I feel about taking it again? Apathetic. Indifference. Yeah, I most likely got a lower score since I did absolutely nothing to prepare for it this time. The first time I took it, I was doing the SAT Question of the Day from CollegeBoard.com, but I haven't even done that much. Oh well. The next time I take it will be ages from now and by then I'll have put in a sufficient amount of preparation and such.

So after the test I went over to Pratt for work. The last saturday of the women's games before the final at MSG. So I did that for a while and picked up my check as well. I still need to deposit them. Oh um..and tomorrow el job search is resuming. I was supposed to go last weekend but that didn't actually happen. It probably won't happen tomorrow either but I still really want to get this done asap.

Daddy has been helping out with the track team at school. Yeah. So he has officially established himself as Coach Anderson of the Hurdlers and Jumpers. I'm sort of indifferent towards that as well but then again not really. I could go into how I really feel about him coaching at my school (no negative feelings at least) but that would take too long, and Jaz is feeling a bit lazy. I might take a nap actually.

Yeah...I think I'll do that now.

I Feel Like Tacos

2008-01-21T21:02:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I'm not going to be all emo anymore. It really gets me and other people down. And I'm not someone who does well when they're down. Speaking of being down, one thing that does sort of upset me is the obvious lack of grammar skills among today's youth (and not-so-youth). What's so hard about differentiating between 'there', 'their' and 'they're'? The same goes for 'two', 'to' and 'too'. I know there's one more but I can't remember it at the moment. Anyway, here's the difference between these words. Definitions from Dictionary.com. Sentences by me.

There - (used commonly as an adverb) in or at that place; that point; The book is over there.
Their - (pronoun) expressing possession of a noun; form of the pronoun 'they'; Their house almost burned down.
They're - contraction of 'they are'; They're going to leave us if we don't hurry.

Two - number; noun; One plus one is two.
To - preposition; used for expressing motion or direction toward a point, person, place, or thing approached and reached, as opposed to from; I am going to the store.
Too - adverb; in addition; also; including; used as an affirmative to contradict a negative statement; to an excessive extent or degree; 1) She is too sick to get out of bed. 2) I like carrots too! 3) They weren't too happy about the delayed flight.

Okay, so on with my life. Tomorrow I'm going to be doing a little bit of everything. I want to finish those damn index cards for history and I also need to finish my essay. I plan on doing that tonight but I can't guarantee that it'll get past this pathetic attempt at an introduction that I have open at the moment.

Job search! I'm going print out the application to Barnes & Noble and fill that out. This makes the second application that I'm submitting to them. I am determined to get a job and B&N is my first choice at the moment, since it's the most convenient for me. Once I do that, I'm going to take an application over to American Eagle. I'd actually really love to work at Abercrombie & Fitch but I have to be 18 to work there. So I'll go to AE instead. It's like climbing a ladder of sorts...

Before I do any of that I need to go to the bank and deposit some checks. Yep. Jaz needs to start saving for London. As much as I'd love to cash all of the checks that I've earned so far, I really do need to put some money in the bank. Besides, if I were to cash those checks, I guarantee that at least half of the money will go to food. That's about $200. Not cool, dude. I'm quite proud of myself for making this decision, though.

So yeah. It's job hunting season. I'm really hoping that one of these stores calls me to work during spring break, but I doubt it will happen. I'm really applying for a summer position but if they want me for spring break, that's an added bonus. It'll give me a chance to prove myself to be a good worker, great with people and pretty much anything else they could possibly want in a sales associate.

That reminds me, when I go to AE, I'm going to stop over at Aeropostale and get an application from them too. I've already given one to them last year, sometime before Thanksgiving break, for a seasonal job. Obviously that didn't work out. So I'm going back to them too. So let's see...this makes Attempt number two for Barnes & Noble and Aeropostale. Attempt number one for American Eagle. This should be interesting. This means I have to dress to impress tomorrow.

It's not like they'll interview me on the spot, but still. I at least want to make sure that I wear a decent pair of jeans (since I'll have my coat on) to show them that I know how to present myself. Damn. I guess this means I need to do something about my hair too. Oh well. That's the least of my concerns.

Now Playing: Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson. One of my favorite songs. It only has 11 plays though. That makes me a bit sad. Oh well. I suppose that makes it even better to listen to. If they plays are few and far between opposed to me playing the song to death (like Misery Business and Diary of Jane).

I've also decided to try to find myself. I don't even know where the fuck to start but I really would like to. I'm not stupid. I know that the way I am affects those around me (not for the better, mind you) and I'd like to change that. I don't want to become a completely different person (or maybe I do), but I do want to get rid of this self-loathing mentality that I've been carrying around since before I'd even hit puberty (which was pretty early). Since about first or second grade actually, but I digress.

The point is, it's taken me ages (and more than a few not-so-nice talks with Mina) to see that I'm kinda really fucked up in the head. I could blame it on a million and one things from being teased in grade school about being fat (one girl asked me if I was having twins) and having glasses (ah, the classic four-eyes jeers are still fresh) to feeling so unloved by my parents that I felt as though I were adopted and wanted to commit suicide. The point is, I need to suck it up and get over it. Because of the shit that's happened in the past, I've become who I am today. I sure as hell am not perfect, but I'm going to take it one step at a time.

I need to learn to be comfortable with who I am. How I look. I feel like crying right now. Lol, no not sad tears. Happy tears!! I swear. I'm listening to Colors (for Extreme) right now and I feel like I've just had an epiphany. It's as though everything is clicking in to place, or at least trying to. Maybe, the fact that I've come to terms with who I am (was) is helping me to become who I should be (whoever she is). I know I sound like every cliche, and even if I am, I do it best, because that's me. So yeah. A new Jaz Matazz is approaching.

I'm excited for what she'll bring with her. It won't be easy though. I know there will be times when I'll relapse and go back into those stages of wishing I were any and every other girl but me, but this time things will be different. I'm going to make an effort to stop being such a wimp. A pansy, afraid of what the world has to offer.

Wish me luck!

-Sigh-

2008-01-20T18:56:00.000-05:00

I really don't understand. It just seems as though I'll never be the FIRST choice. I'm always going to be second (or third, or even eighth) best. Ha. Fuck it. I give up.

Mina's party was awesome. I kinda started (and ended) a bit earlier than expected though. Of course, me being me, I got to her house obscenely early so I kinda just hung out for a bit. People started showing up and then things started taking off. Once Juju got there we became partners in crime (wink wink). I don't consider myself a mixer to any degree but I did combine some pretty strong stuff. And had a lot of it.

By 9pm I was done. If they'd let me sleep on the bathroom floor with my head on the toilet, I definitely would have. But Mina, Johnathan and Quincy got me upstairs and to Mina's room where I promptly passed out for 3 hours.

I woke up at a little after midnight and I still wasn't anywhere close to sober. That's saying something. But I had to get up, although I would have loved to stay in the bed and go back to sleep. I couldn't though, since I'd planned on staying up until it was time for me to go home since I had to be at work at 9:30 this morning.

So I met people. Talked and all that good stuff, which brings me to the beginning of my post. I give up on males. Based on the goings-on of the party last night, I fucking give up. Let's go through the list, shall we?

Johnathan - I've always found him quite cute with his random obsession with Sonic and his long curly hair. Yesterday, he reached a whole new level. I don't know what possessed him to change so drastically but hey, I'm not complaining. When showed up at the door, and I got that first good look at the new Johnathan, 81million thoughts were running through my head. The most prominent of which was; Goddamn! He's fucking hot! So yeah. But I guess that's where it ends. He's such a sweet guy but he has a girlfriend and on top of that, he's got some random thing going on with Mina. I don't want to say I'm jealous, because I'm not, it's just that it seems she gets everyone and I'm left to...read a book or something. But I digress. The other thing that sort of bothers me about him is that even though he's obviously got his own random girl shit to deal with, it doesn't stop him from...expressing interest in me. Not that I mind, but I know that nothing will ever come of it because I'm Girl Number 3 (if I'm lucky). Yeah...well. I'll just ride this out I guess. I'm not going to get attached because that would be a waste of my time and energy, so I'll just see where it goes. For all I know, he could be using me as a back-up just in case things completely and utterly fall apart between him and Mina. The concept isn't entirely new to me. I'm used to being the back-up. That brings me to my next problem.

Daniel - Holy fucking shit dude. When the fuck will you get the hint? I don't fucking want you! I have never wanted you. I will never want you. Grow the fuck up, move on and get a bloody fucking life. Holy shit. I seriously don't think that he knows just how serious I am. What is it about me that makes it so that no one takes me seriously? What? I don't get it. Well, in any case, he has got to be the biggest pain in my cell phone's text message inbox's ass. Like...dude. Get over it. It's obvious that your only reason for coming to the stupid party is so you can find some other hopeless girl to stalk. Your dinky little plan backfired and so you think to yourself; Hey, Jazmyne is here, so I'm going to bother her instead. What the fuck. Firstly, he's fucking lucky that he didn't dare say anything to me at the party because in my inebriated state or not, I would not have hesitated in verbally castrating him with the fierce power and intensity of a thousand suns. And then I would have rubbed his face in the remains of his shattered ego, self-confidence and dignity for everyone to see. No, he's lucky that he didn't do that. But what does he do instead? He fucking texts me at 6pm today talking about how I should stay strong and people will respect me for shit like that. Who the fuck do you think you are? There are so many things wrong with that fucking message that I have to put it in this blog, just so the rest of the internet world can see what a fucking loser you are. "Hey...it was cool to see u...hope ur feeling better..I got u some pills but I doubt they ever got to u..I know u have a lot going on in ur life that make u feel like shit..just stay strong and be u and pple will respect u for that..anyway hope u feel better n eveything turns out ok for u...later...goo". You fucking suck. Go rot in a corner somewhere. Holy shit. Not only is he one of those people that doesn't even type out the full word, but he thinks that he's important enough to me to the point that he can go around buying me shit to make me feel better or whatever. And what the fuck could you possibly know about my life? Are you seriously that desperate that you're going to try (and fail miserably at) pretending to know what's going on with me? The only thing that's not turning out the way I want, is you realizing that I don't fucking want anything to do with you. Period. I would spend even more time ranting about how fucking sad he is but I've already wasted so much time on him. He's not even worth the amount of contempt that I regard him with.

Vinny - Oh Vinny. You're a cool dude and I'm quite flattered but no. It's not going to happen. I really mean that. I mean, now that I know that you were going around the house asking every single girl the same thing that you asked of me, you've lost a bit of standing (however much you had to begin with, I don't know) to me. Now I feel cheap and possibly a bit used because of you. There's nothing special about me, and I guess I sort of knew that you were only saying what you thought needed to be said to gain my trust, but I didn't want to acknowledge that at the time. I don't plan on ever seeing you again, and even if I do, we are just friends. Nothing more. I mean, for one thing, I've got my own shit to deal with simply concerning males, but what you're asking of me is part of a whole new ballgame that I'm nowhere near ready to play in. I was just a back-up for Vinny too. Oh well. Shit happens.

I figure while I'm on the topic of guys, I might as well include them all.

Nathan - Oh dear, sweet Nathan. What could I possibly say about Nathan? A lot, or perhaps nothing at all. Well, I guess there's nothing to say. He likes me, I don't like him as anything more than a friend and that's how it's going to stay. Hm. Well that wasn't a lot. How anticlimactic. In that case, I guess there's not much to say about Marc either.

Marc - What a great guy you are. I'm still not even sure what the hell I think of him at this point. It's not like it matters though since he's got his sights set so far away from me that we're in two separate hemispheres. Oh well. What can you do?

Yeah so...I guess I'm just sick of being the back-up. The safety. The last kid that's picked to be on someone's dodgeball team, and then when I am picked, I'm not even put in the game. So that's why I'm saying fuck it. Guys just aren't worth the stress and effort and time that it takes to get their attention and keep it. So I'm going to worry about me. But I know that when the time comes, I can kick anybody and everybody's ass in dodgeball. But I'm never given the chance.

Untitled

2008-01-13T17:01:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago I had a dream about my dad and I. He was sitting in a chair and I was sitting on the floor in front of him. He had a revolver in his hand for some reason. My dad isn't violent at all and the last thing he would own is a gun, particularly a revolver. We were probably arguing about something because I remember feeling pretty exhausted and worn out at the time. So anyway, I guess he'd finally reached his limit and was sick and tired of me and the way I was/am. He pointed the gun at his temple. I pleaded with him not to do it. I mean, who wants their father to die? Who wants to watch their father end his own life? He didn't listen to me. It seems that he'd rather kill himself than deal with me any longer. He pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. Russian Roulette is a bitch. I didn't realize it until I took the gun from him, but there was only one bullet. I cried and cried and cried as I held the gun and as he sat there. I could have lost him forever. I wouldn't have had a father anymore if the bullet had been where I thought it was. And I cried. I woke up crying because it was so intense. I don't ever remember having a dream like that. Sure I've had those random dreams where I'm walking and I'm about to trip on something and my leg jerks right as it happens, startling me awake. But this was just too much. I really don't want my father to die. I know it'll happen at some point. But I don't want it to happen any time soon. And certainly not in such a manner as I'd dreamt of.

Pump Those Arms!!

2008-01-07T20:07:00.000-05:00

Yeah...so today was the first day back to school for me. I got midterm results and other crap. I kinda don't want to go over those at the moment since I'm quite tired. I had a track meet this afternoon too. Mhm, the day we get back to school with no practice for 3 weeks. Lawl. So yeah. I ran the 55 meter dash and long jumped as usual. The amusing thing about the 55m was the fact that I was in the last heat (which isn't so amusing) but there was only one other girl in the row with me. So it was me against her in the last heat of the race. I won. =)

I really didn't think that I was going to lose but still, I heard her heavy footsteps behind me as I was starting to pull away from her and I just thought to myself; 'There's NO way that I'm going to let her win.' And I didn't, so I'm happy about that. It's the first (and probably only) race that I've ever won. Things didn't go so well in the long jump. I jumped 8 feet 4 3/4 inches and 8 feet 9 1/4 inches. I fouled my last jump. Talk about SUCKAGE. Whatever, I haven't practiced for three weeks so what can I expect? At least I came to the meet. That can't be said for quite a few other people on the team.

Oh well. Now I have to do homework. Yep, back to the daily grind of school for me. Alas, at least I have spring break to look forward to. Oh! And my birthday is exactly 5 months away!

- The Moofia's Head Honcho; over and out.

Different

2008-01-05T21:11:00.000-05:00

So today I rearranged my room. Yeah, it was kind of on a whim. I was at work and I suddenly had the thought to move my bed to where my dresser was and my dresser to where my bed was. Then when I went to this little thrift store on my way home, I decided not to. Oh! I bought this cute little white crochet hat with a pom-pom on it. It's one of those saggy-type hats that everyone and their mother is wearing nowadays. Oh well, so much for being original. Anyway, as for not doing my room, I have a lot of crap and I didn't feel like dealing with it. Then when I got home, I decided to go ahead and do it anyway.

I really like this change. I guess it's to go along with the new year. Or something. I wanted to try shopping one more time with Mina tomorrow. I can't. My mom was all like, you have school on Monday so no. I guess I saw that coming. Whatever, life goes on. Not too much else to say, I suppose.

- The Moofia's Head Honcho; over and out.

She's Got TokiDoki!!

2008-01-04T20:04:00.000-05:00

So today Mina and I went to Manhattan to do a bit of shopping, as mentioned in my previous post. That didn't work out too well. We wandered around into Uniqlo, American Eagle, Forever 21 and a few other random stores. We didn't find anything! Although the fries and Pinkberry made up for that.

I was really looking forward to some new clothes but I guess it wasn't meant to be. We met up with Quincy in Union Square before going into Forever 21. Oh! Speaking of Union Square, the Man is trying to keep the skaters and bladers down by prohibiting skaters and bladers from...well...skating and blading in front of the steps of Union Square park. What the hell dude?!!?!? Yeah...I could go into a rant about how unjust this is to today's youth and how they have nowhere else to go and how it's good for one's social growth, but I'm too lazy to do that. You get the drift.

So even though today was completely clothesless, it was still a lot of fun. And a lot of cold too. Somehow Mina and I missed our stop on the C train about 3 times. It was quite amusing. But we got to where we were going eventually. So as we were trolling the city, I spotted TokiDoki bags on random girls so of course I had to point it out. Only it ended up coming out in some weird screamo type voice. So Mina, Quincy and I are going to start a band. Our new hit single will be called "She's Got TokiDoki"

Hm...I don't know what else to say. I know I had more to type...Oh! Mina and I also went to the Leica gallery and looked at the pretty pictures. They were really nice. My pocket is vibrating. Mommy called me. Well anyway, yeah so that was my day.

- The Moofia's Head Honcho; over and out.

Yay!

2008-01-03T21:39:00.001-05:00

I bought new glasses today and they are the smexiest glasses EVAR! lol. I'm really excited, they weren't what I was looking for at first but when I saw them (the only white frames in the whole store) I thought to myself 'those are MINE.' So yeah. I can't wait to see what people say when they see me.

Tomorrow is going to be fun. I'm going shopping with Mina for a complete wardrobe makeover. Okay, well not a complete wardrobe makeover, but definitely a bunch of new clothes. I place myself in her capable hands haha. Ohh! I also finally found the Maybelline Ultra Liner eyeliner that I've been looking for. So of course I tested it out and I'm pretty happy. XD

Hm...I go back to school on Monday. I'm not really looking forward to it, but then again it's nice to see everyone again. I just don't want to do more work. And take the SAT again. And work on my term paper. And take finals. And worry about college more than I already am. Whatever.

Project Runway! I <3 sewing.

- The Moofia's Head Honch; over and out.

2008-01-01T22:37:00.001-05:00

I really can't stand how closed-minded people can be. Holy shit, let a person be who the fuck they are. You don't have to be such an asshole about it. And then you're going to try to compare my response to certain people to that? Are you fucking serious. Holy fucking shit dude. Really. That's some serious bullshit. Both of you can kiss my ass.

New Start

2008-01-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

Hello 2008, my name is Jazmyne and it's nice to finally meet you! Elena's party was awesome. We played random games, watched TV, Guitar Hero was going, we cooked and did a whole bunch of other stuff. Yeah, I'm really glad that I went. There's nothing more awesome than ringing in the new year with your friends.

Speaking of friends, I was kind of supposed to go to Mina's house today. That didn't exactly happen. I got home at 2:30am and I was K.O. from there. I did wake up at 10:10 but nothing registered in my head except for my need to go to the bathroom. Then it was back to bed for me until 3pm. So that's how that went. I hope she's not too mad but then again shit happens.

Dreamgirls is on. Good movie, that one. Mommy is making chicken downstairs. Yay! Okay, so tomorrow I go downtown to look for some new frames for my glasses. I've decided that I need to start wearing my glasses again, after several misread words and such. So I want some white frames, medium thickness. Yeah, that would be awesome.

So as for new year's resolutions, I've decided to um...well. Do better in everything I suppose. Yeah...I don't really have anything concrete planned out and if i do, I've forgotten them. So yeah. I just want to do well in the second semester of school and end my junior year right. And then carry that over to the start of senior year and so forth. So yeah.

-The Moofia's Head Honcho; over and out.

Blinking Lights

2007-12-31T14:43:00.000-05:00

There is a Party later on. It's at Elena's house in Bay Ridge. I might be going, I might not. My aunt can give me a ride home after the party, but I don't know when it ends. So there's that to worry about. Project Runway is on. I like sewing and all that good stuff so it's interesting to watch. I actually need to find more plastic boning for a corset vest that I'm making. It's part of an outfit that I started ages ago.

Hm...I also want to make one of those saggy crochet berets that everyone is wearing. I could buy one but I can crochet so there's no point in spending money on something that I can easily make. Food! That's what I want right now. Ah well. Anyone want to buy me a Corset?

- The Moofia's Head Honcho; over and out.

Newness

2007-12-30T22:30:00.000-05:00

Well...this is my first blog and I'm not quite sure what to write. Today was somewhat of a good day. The family was in town for a New Year's/Christmas celebration so I got a bunch of money and stuff.

I went shopping with Nat all over Manhattan. We started out in Brooklyn to go to Bath & Body Works but it was oppressively crowded in there so we just took the train to 34th street to start shopping. First stop; Macy's Herald Square. We didn't really find anything in there so we went to the Forever21 across the street. I got some basic long sleeved tees and so did she.

Then we went to American Eagle Outfitters next door. Again, we didn't really find anything. I did try on this one pair of pants but that didn't work out too well. So then we wandered up 5th Avenue in search of Abercrombie & Fitch. We ended up walking from 34th street to 55th street. We eventually found it but all that went down the drain when we saw the line that was out the store and around the corner. I was severely disappointed.

So we just decided to find some food (Subway) and hop on the F train at 57th street and took it down to West 4th street. I took her to the Pinkberry on Bleeker street. She likes Pinkberry =). I was kind of hoping that Asia would be there so we could get some free Pinkberry, but she wasn't. Oh well. So then we got back on the train and headed back into Brooklyn and eventually home.

I was kind of worried about myself today though. I'd been up since about 8am, which isn't too bad, but I was feeling a bit lightheaded throughout the day. I'm not sure what that was about but when I got home, I ate my Subway and passed out in bed. And now here I am.

Plans for next week: Babysitting on Monday
Most likely visiting Mina on Tuesday
Cleaning and taking down the tree on Wednesday
More cleaning, maybe hitting the Transit Museum with Dan on Thursday
Shopping with Mina on Friday then to work
Work Saturday afternoon
Work Sunday morning